In the beginning I breathed life, and my life began. Born as the middle child of 3, I grew and learned, and I soaked in everything around me. My brother had a disease that would slowly take his life. I was not to know that part, the inevitable loss part. I grew up doing everything I could for him, and a natural nurse was born. When I was 12 years old, he died. I was protected from the knowledge of this inevitability. But I knew deep in my subconscious, in my soul that loss was impending. 

Grief was a hidden land. Not to see his body added to the feeling he was gone but somewhere? My pain began. Many years later I was faced with having two sons with the same journey. The same disease.  

I was also blessed with two amazing daughters. I was busy yet I was drowning. Four children under 6 by the time I was 30, two of them increasingly physically disabled and terminal. But yet when?  

I kept flowing on the whisper of the wind. Within the experience of grief and compounding loss I was completely overwhelmed and suffering deeply.  

A key moment in my life was right then as I began a very lonely and difficult journey of grieving, I had put off the tasks of mourning my brother and now felt overwhelmed with the anticipatory grief of what was to come. I just could not bear the pain.  

My sons died at ages 14 and 20, 9 years apart. How to lose one son and prepare for the next? In my own strength IMPOSSIBLE! But yet here I am and how did I do this? Truly a number of things. For one, a knowing of something divine and a belief in something greater than myself. Mental health support and treatment helped me navigate grief so I could continue living.  

One thing kept me going. A belief that if my journey of grief and suffering could help just one person, I will show up.  

Here I am today.  

I have worked very hard to find my authentic self and I am truly happy, resilient and kind. I am not afraid to feel the feelings I once was. You see, grief doesn't go away but you can find your way through it. You can find your meaning and withstand the grief and pain of loss as you continue your life.  

I am a Registered Mental Health Nurse and offer Grief Aid. Healing Hearts. A supportive, compassionate for you to share your story and suffering.  

Together, we will find a way forward.  

Using the Four Tasks of Mourning, a skill based therapy is available to individuals or groups in Timaru and in Geraldine, South Canterbury by appointment.